Bittersweet Mother’s Day
This year, Mother’s day was both a good and a hard day for me. It started out as a great day up in Wyoming celebrating Cindy’s graduation from UW. I will blog more on that happy event later, as it really was a great weekend with my family.
I had expected that Mother’s day would be difficult for me this year after our miscarriage last fall. But at first it wasn’t, because I started out the weekend thinking there was a possibility that we were expecting another child due to the fact that I was several days *late*. I was trying not to get my hopes up too much, but all weekend I was excitedly thinking on how I could slip away secretly to Walgreens to pick up a test. This hope sustained me and helped me “forget” the loss of our baby a few months ago. But when we got home on Sunday evening, my hopes were dashed by the late proof that I was NOT expecting.
I was feeling a bit under the weather anyways, so now also depressed, I went upstairs to take a late nap. I couldn’t fall asleep though as I was filled with a sadness over my recent disappointment and the realization that had I not miscarried in November, we would only be about 6 weeks away from meeting our second child. And so I wallowed in self-pity for a little bit.
It was during this wallow that the bedroom door opened and, at the prompting of her Daddy (unknowing of my depression at that time), my little girl climbed up into bed with me and wished me a Happy Mother’s Day and told me she loved me.Â (In between the “Happy Mother’s Day” and prompted “I love you” statements, there was also a glance at Greg as she asked, “Can I have candy now?” that just made it even more endearing.)
After Greg and Adrianna left, I was flooded with the realization that I am truly blessed. I have an amazing and loving husband who I love immensely and we have a sweet, affectionate daughter who is our joy. I am so thankful to have them in my life. So though there is still a bit of sadness and disappointment, the black cloud of depression is gone as I was reminded just how glad I am to have them in my life. They make me proud to be a wife and mother.