How stomach surgery is like being pregnant

I know, I know, you all are sick and tired of hearing about my little surgery. I cannot help it. When you have nothing better to do than lay around the house for 4 days, things to blog about become pretty scarce. So bear with me a little longer.

I have noticed that this umbilical hernia surgery has a lot of side effects that are reminiscent of being pregnant.

1. You find yourself resting your hand on your tummy
• Pregnancy: In awe of the miracle of life and to protect your precious, little one
• Surgery: To protect your wound from your precious, little one you gave birth to a year ago and from exuberant dogs who like to jump up on the couch
2. When you walk, you waddle a little
• Pregnancy: There’s so much going on in the front, that you cannot help it
• Surgery: It is the most comfortable way to walk without moving your stomach muscles
3. Your belly sticks out, because there is no way you can suck in the flab
• Pregnancy: There is no room for the extra flab to suck into
• Surgery: Heck, you just wish they would have removed some of the extra flab when they cut you open
4. If you are constipated, you cannot “push” to help things along their merry way
• Pregnancy: For fear of hemorroids
• Surgery: Didn’t you just have that hernia, that was a result of pushing during childbirth, removed on Monday?
5. Your belly itches like all get-out
• Pregnancy: Stretch Marks. Those buggers kept me up at night with their infernal itching
• When the incision starts to heal, it itches like crazy. But my loving husband tells me this is a good thing as that means it is healing.