Reflection on this baby thing so far
When I look back on the past 6 months, it is amazing to think about how far I have come in relation to this whole parenthood thing. I also realize that I left out many details in my previous blog post about those first few days with Adrianna that I don’t want to forget.
Before Adrianna was born, I was nervous around babies. I wouldn’t even hold them, although I was happy to admire them from a distance. I knew that I would become more at ease with babies in general once I got to “practice” with my own, and so far, that does seem to be the case. Although I still really don’t have the desire to hold other babies when I have my own adorable one that I can cuddle.
I can still remember the moments after Adrianna was born. They put this squalling baby on my belly and all I could do was look at her. A thousand thoughts were flying through my brain at that moment. One of the most prominent thoughts was, “What in the heck am I supposed to do with this little baby?” I felt totally overwhelmed as to what I was to do next. Pregnancy was the “easy” part. I didn’t know if I was supposed to start nursing her right away or what. So I just stroked her arm, her hand. And teared up with the joy of looking at her. My baby. I had no idea how I was ever going to get her to stop crying. Boy did she have powerful lungs!
So, the nurses at least answered my first question indirectly, as they whisked my baby off for a thorough cleaning, leaving me to rest and continue pondering. Greg went along with Adrianna, for which I was thankful.
When they brought her back to our room, I remember the nurse being very helpful about the whole breastfeeding thing. I am sure they deal with plenty of new moms who are totally hesitant and clueless about it. So I was actually glad that they actually grabbed my breast and helped me get things going so I could nurse the baby. Weird and gross as that may sound. It definitely wasn’t the last time that occurred during our stay there either. But I found it quite helpful.
As I continued to recover, I was thankful that Greg took on diaper duty.
We didn’t name Adrianna right away. I had liked the name Adrianna for awhile, but Greg wasn’t sold on it until she was born. He approached me after she was born and said that we could name her that after all if I still wanted to. So she became Adrianna Grace; Grace being a middle name that I had picked out years ago.
Choosing a name for your child is such a huge responsibility. This is something that they will be stuck with for the rest of their lives. I remember feeling very aware of that fact and wanting to be sure we picked out an okay name.
The morning following Adrianna’s birth, a nurse came in to let us know that they were taking pictures of all the newborns. We could change her hospital clothes into something we had brought for her if we wanted to. Yikes! Having to dress her was a scary thought! She was so little and so fragile looking. I think the nurse could tell I was quite hesitant, because she volunteered to do it for me. Once again, I was quite thankful to have such great nurses.
Later during our stay, I was having problems breastfeeding yet again. My milk had not yet come in, so I was destined to have problems and pain for another couple of days until it did. Anyways, a lactation specialist stopped by my room to assist. She told Greg that he had to help me get everything positioned. hehe. Actually, that really was helpful until Adrianna and I became more experienced at it. The lactation specialist told me I needed to relax my “New Mother’s Death Grip.” Yeah, I really was suffering from that. I was so afraid I was going to drop Adrianna. Now, however, I am much more relaxed when holding her.
I am so thankful for Adrianna. I still have to pinch myself that I have a baby. The fact that she is both a part of myself and a part of Greg is something that still continues to amaze and thrill me. What a miracle. I praise God for her, and also for my loving husband whom I have grown to love and respect even more as I watch him be such a wonderful father. I know I probably say this a lot, but I feel truly blessed.
I can still remember the days before Adrianna was born. While I had tons more free time and we had more money at our disposal, I wouldn’t trade her for those things. Even when I am tired and need a break, I still love her more than anything. I love coming home from work to be greeted by my handsome husband holding our sweet little angel in his arms. It just doesn’t get any better than the big, toothless, baby grins I get when she sees me.
I am looking forward to watching Adrianna’s personality continue to develop and grow. I pray that God will help Greg and I be the parents He desires us to be.