Conflicted Emotions

In less than a couple months, Greg has the opportunity (through work) to fly out to California for a web design conference. I would really like to go with him. Of course I would have to pay for myself, but it would be so awesome to go. I have never been to California and I am sure it will be warmer there than it is here.

But I am conflicted, for as badly as I want to go with Greg I also am scared about leaving Adrianna. My mom already offered to watch her, so she would be with someone I trust and who loves her. But for a whole 5 days? Yikes. The longest I have ever left her anywhere was for maybe 4-5 hours max. I am afraid that I would be too worried about her to have a good time. That does run in the family after all. When I was about a year old, my dad drove out to Colorado Springs from Indiana for a vacation. My mom flew out to be with him. She was so worried about me and missed me so much that, even though my aunt was watching me, she flew back that same night or the following day. (She cannot remember which, but it was right away.)

Another thing I need to think about if I were to leave Adrianna is the whole nursing thing. I never really have had a set plan about how long I would nurse, but in the back of my mind I always thought that I would aim for a year since that is the recommendation by the American Association of Pediatrics. Adrianna will only be about 9 months old when the trip is to take place. I have already cut her breastfeeding sessions down to about 2 or 3 a day, but I just am not ready to cut them out completely.

I am so torn. On one hand, it would be heaven to have so much time with Greg. Granted, he would be gone each day at the conference, but we would still have plenty of time in the evenings to hang out. And to get uninterrupted sleep. Oh, what bliss that would be. I haven’t gotten 8 straight hours of sleep since maybe the first couple months of my pregnancy. Over a year ago. But staring at me from the other hand is my darling baby girl whom I just don’t think I can bear leaving for that long without completely losing myself to worry and stress. So when is that next flight back to Denver?

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4 Responses

  1. Julie says:

    I’m new to your blog (found you on Ellen’s), but just a thought: could you ask your Mom or another family member to come to CA too? Get them an adjoining room with the understanding that the baby will be with them most of the time, but you’ll be available to nurse in the mornings and evenings and get cuddle time with her when you both need it. Good luck!

  2. Amber says:

    Oh my gosh – that is a fantastic idea! That never even crossed my mind, but it would be so perfect. I like it so much that I have already run it across the hubby and my mom and they are both okay with it if we can work out the logistics. Hmmm…I am getting a huge shiver of excitement just thinking about it.

  3. Julie says:

    I’m so glad that might help! A friend of mine was facing a similar issue with her 4 month old and a trip to DC and they invited her MIL along. As it turned out, her MIL had to cancel at the last minute leaving them with the baby for the whole trip, but the idea was still a decent one. I hope it all works out!

  4. Jeff says:

    As Jay Farrar says, “Nobody could dream a place like California.”

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